AOL user

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onelegdis
Posts: 274
Joined: Thu Jul 25, 2002 6:52 pm
Location: London UK

AOL user

Post by onelegdis »

Taken from the Diary of an AOL user ......

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is
the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd
better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I can't
connect. I don't know what is wrong.

July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
think I am?

July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.

July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.

July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he
says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and
he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks
who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications
software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack
holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they
have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the
phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy,
are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.

July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not
this internet thing. I'm confused.

July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he
is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.

July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer
but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.

July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because
I'm connected to America Online not usenet.

July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital
letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital
letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT
WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT
A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS
ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM
I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD
AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS
TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.

AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT
IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.

AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS
JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE
TIMES.

AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW
SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.

AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS
RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22
MORE TIMES.

AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO
USE PROFANITY.

AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES.
WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING!
HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?

August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it?
Its probably an extra feature that costs more money.

August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so
exited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions
and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.

August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I
will have to work on it some more.

August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a
few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face
of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.

August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about
something. Some guy told me to check out ftp..netcom.com. I've looked
and looked but I can't find that group.

August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
where the ftp..netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask
the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my
house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework.
So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of
humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken
joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts
about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.

August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp..netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include
my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will
want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add
that short story I like.

August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing.
I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.

:thumbs:
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InactiveX
BeOS Forever
Posts: 1385
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2002 8:25 am
Location: UK

Post by InactiveX »

So well observed! I love the bit about signatures; they're irritating and a boring waste of screen-space.


Incidentally, I got this email from my Mum's boyfriend last week:

"Hi Will
I need to re-enable cookies as a matter of urgency as amongst other effects my Paypal account is frozen.
I tried to access Explorer for Help as directed, but Google is homepage. Would you please tell me how to do this.
Thanks, xxxxxxx"




I don't want to do this computer stuff anymore. It's sucking my life and destroying my soul.
Derek
Site Admin
Posts: 2489
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2002 3:55 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Post by Derek »

Whose post is funnier? You guys can't be serious!

Where’s the laughing-so-hard-I’m-going-to-die emoticon when you need it!
-Derek
kuun
Post-O-Matic
Posts: 1566
Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2002 5:26 pm
Location: Tennessee
Contact:

Post by kuun »

hahahahaha

derek

it's even funnier when it actually happens :P

one f my buddies refers to the computer as the "modem" and the monitor as the pc tv
!!! WARNING !!!
The following forums: www.bp6.com
are infected with the following VIRUS(s): Kuun.infected.all.posts.Win2K.user

The following IRC servers has been exploited: irc.bp6.com
with the Following Exploit: Kuun.lurks.using.mIRC.v5.82.exploit
InactiveX
BeOS Forever
Posts: 1385
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2002 8:25 am
Location: UK

Post by InactiveX »

Sometimes I'd feel more fulfilled making Christmas cards with the mentally ill. I want to live and I want to love. I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of.
Like BP6.com? Not a member?
Then why the hell not? It's great!
-> BP6.com Membership <-
InactiveX
BeOS Forever
Posts: 1385
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2002 8:25 am
Location: UK

Post by InactiveX »

Like BP6.com? Not a member?
Then why the hell not? It's great!
-> BP6.com Membership <-
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