Funny Signs

[InactiveX]

* In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
* On a movie theater: Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
* In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
* In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
* In a toy department: Five santa clauses, no waiting.
* On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
* On a roller coaster: Watch your head.
* On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
* In a laundry room: Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage.
* On a display of "You're my one and only" valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
* In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
* In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
* In a men's clothing store: 15 mens' wool suits -- $10.00. They won't last an hour!
* On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
* In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel/No End.
* In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?
* In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
* In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM Midnight.
* In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
* On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.
* In a library: Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.
* In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
* On a Pacific Coast Highway, somewhere in South California: "No motorized bicycles, horses, or dogs allowed on pier."

Signs Spotted Overseas
* In a Tokyo Hotel: It is forbidden to steal hotel towels. If you are not person to do such a thing, please do not read this notice.
* In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
* In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
* In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 AM daily.
* In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
* In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
* In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
* On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
* In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
* Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
* In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
* Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
* In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
* A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
* In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
* In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
* On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
* Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop; Drive Sideways.
* In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
* In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
* In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
* French Restaurant Menu: Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.
* On a Chinese Menu: Special cocktails for women with nuts.
* On a Greek Menu: Spleen omelet, fisherman's crap soup, calf pluck, bowels.
* Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

This is my personal favourite:

* Somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw stones at this sign."

[kuun]

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